Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
