I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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