I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
