Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
