so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
