so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
