woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
