How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
