I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
