In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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