cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
