So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
