Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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