And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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