I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
