I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
