my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
