i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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