All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
