im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
