sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
