when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
