What a fucking waste of an outfit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
