I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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