Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
