he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
