if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
