Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
