i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
