I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
