Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
