sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
