Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
