Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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