I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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