Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
