Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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