It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
