I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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