i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
