Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
