You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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