so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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