We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
