FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
