i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
