Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
