Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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