? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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