You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
