Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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