look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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