There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
