I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
