where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
