ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
two words: eviction party
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
