the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
