I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
