I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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