I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
