I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I touched a dick in church today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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