I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
