You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
