so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
