Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
